You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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