So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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