think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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