You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
