all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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