He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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