He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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