I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
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i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
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Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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