Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
