Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
