Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
