I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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