is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
