Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
