Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
