Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
