I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
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She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
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Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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