i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
