He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
