did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
