i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
