there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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