I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
