Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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