i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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