Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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