I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
