made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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