hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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