battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
false alarm, still single
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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