I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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