that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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