The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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