she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
