My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
