Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
When are your genitals available?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
