I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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