If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
