It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
