I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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