I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Damn victory sex feels great
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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