Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
