and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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