But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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