And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
