i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
