We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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