after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Couch. On fire.
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