My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
