oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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