i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
