I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
