If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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