woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
