you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
