i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
