If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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