I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
