Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
