Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
