my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
