my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
