no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
