Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
