Your tits are I can't wait for
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
