Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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