She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
