if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
