Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Two words: blizzard sex
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
