five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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