After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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