if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
