Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My vagina is very pro this idea
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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