The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
