Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
