as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize