It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
