Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
