There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
