After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
