I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
