Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
