Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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