May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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