It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
please don't ironically join a cult
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