how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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