And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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