This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
