He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
