i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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