Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
